I’ve gotten really obsessed with HBO’s True Blood this fall. The main vampire character and leading man is Bill Compton, played with steamy intensity by Stephen Moyer. He’s recently returned to his hometown of Bon Temps, Louisiana in search of whatever humanity he still retains, and has promptly fallen for Sookie Stackhouse, a young waitress in a local bar.
Bill Compton, True Blood
Though he’s super hot I find myself thinking more about what a great guy he is. OK, so he’s dead, I admit that’s not ideal. But he has lots of other really great qualities! I can’t get enough, and look forward to Sunday night all week long.
Fast forward a few weeks. With heightened awareness of all things vampire, I come across an article touting the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer as being worthy of reading by adults. It’s been a long time since I browsed for a good read in the Young Adult section, but I can’t resist a second opportunity to satisfy my vampire blood lust. And there I discover Edward Cullen, another fabulous vampire boyfriend. Robert Pattinson plays Edward in the just released film, which officially makes this the season of the vampire hero. Move over Mr. Darcy, it’s fangbanging time.
So why do I think vampires are the way to go?
The sexual tension is off the charts.
When Bill and Sookie have sex for the first time, I can absolutely guarantee a tug “down there.” Yikes. The second time is also pretty amazing.
Edward and Bella are younger, and in Twilight their love is chaste. Just a lot of ice-cold kisses, which doesn’t sound so alluring. But it’s their desperate need and desire for each other that drives the sexual tension.
A side benefit: No messy last-minute conversations about BC or STDs. Conceiving vampire spawn seems out of the question, and if you’re dead you can’t get diseases, duh.
They have really good manners, and are extremely respectful toward women.
Bill Compton was “turned” on his way home from the Civil War, which puts his birth date around 140 years ago. He was raised in the era of genteel Southern hospitality and chivalry. When he starts sucking on Sookie (with her full consent), he considerately advises her to be sure and take extra vitamin B-12. Awwww.
Edward Cullen was dying of flu at the age of 17 in the 1918 epidemic. His vampire doc “saved” him at a time when he was still very inexperienced and earnest. He craves Bella’s blood more than anything in the world, but he controls his urges in order to keep her safe. Such a gentleman.
They don’t get wasted, and their speech is always elegant.
Both Bill and Edward speak with a formality long since extinct in young men. Neither one would ever, for example, be caught dead saying any of the following:
“Dude, that rocks!”
“Yo, beeeaaaatch, come here!”
“That’s fuckin’ awesome, man!”
“Hey, are your tits real?”
“You can blow me if you want.”
Vampires are psychic and they can get around really, really fast.
I never knew vampires were so speedy, but both Bill and Edward zoom around at the speed of light, and can be at the side of their lady loves within a nanosecond of sensing danger or urgency (including sexual).
These vampires are ready for mature love.
Neither Bill nor Edward would EVER cheat. Both have been around long enough to know true love when they feel it, and they’re both trying really, really hard not to mess it up. Forget taking it to the next level. Forget “till death do us part.” These guys are willing to take it to eternity. That’s a tough decision for Bella and Sookie – they must either become vampires, or age alone. Well, no relationship is perfect.
